Where Is Home?

I have been grappling with the uncertainty of where we will be living when Josh finishes SOI at the end of June. It is getting old to always have to tell people we do not yet know where we will be stationed, or when we will know for sure. We will hopefully know in June, but even that is not certain. As of now, here are my thoughts regarding this upcoming placement- it does not matter, ultimately. I know God is going to bless us wherever we are stationed. There will be upsides and downsides to wherever we are. It will be hard at times and fun and exciting at times. More than anything, we will be stationed somewhere together. We will be able to have a space that is just ours, we will be able to decorate it the way we want to, we will be able to finally hang up our wedding photos and unpack our items from a storage unit. The last time we lived together in our own space was in November, so by the time we reach that point again, it will be only too welcomed by both of us. So whether it is Pendleton, 29 Palms, or Kanehoe Bay I will be grateful! I will be with my husband, and that, in itself, will be bliss. 

I had my first extreme wave of loneliness and sadness last night since boot camp. During boot camp, I felt extremely emotional and unstable- with everything and anything making me cry. Since Josh left for school of infantry, though, I have not had that extreme sadness that I experienced before. Last night, though, I was reading some of my journal from September of last year, and I had written one day about all of the little things I love and appreciate about Josh. I had written about how much improvement we had seen in our marriage, and the joy and fun we had in spending time together. As I read this, I was struck with an extreme loneliness, almost an ache to be with Josh. I want him to be with me for the little, mundane, trivial things that come up throughout the day. I have been attending a marriage Bible study through Grace Community Church here in Chico, and had it last night. We had talked about how to treat our spouse with respect and assume the best about them, rather than the worst. As other couples shared about little antics they want to stop getting worked up over, like leaving toilet seat up or not taking out the trash, I found myself longing for Josh to be around- even with all of  those trivial things. I wanted to have something current to share, something that had come up recently in living with Josh. It is those little things, living and sharing life with someone everyday, that I miss during this season of life. 

I have the opportunity to go back to Maui again soon- which I am very excited about! One of the families I used to babysit for often, and whose two daughters I knew well from the preschool I worked at, are traveling for their jobs and need a nanny during that time. I am only too happy to fly over and help them! This means, though, that my time in Chico is drawing to a close even sooner. I am leaving on May 22, and then returning on June 5- although that will be to San Diego. I will then live at my aunt and uncle's house in Escondido until Josh is done with SOI on June 21. Josh's brother is getting married on June 25 in Birmingham, Alabama and we are praying and hoping Josh will be able to go. He may not know until the middle of June, so I am planning on flying with or without him. I just hope, selfishly and for the family's sake, that it is with him. So far God has been ordaining the timing of Josh's training in amazing ways, and I have no double He can do so again. We just need to wait patiently until we find out. It is always in the Lord's timing and not our own! I am learning this more now than ever before. It is this constant need trust and rely on the Lord that is changing me with each and every day. That, in itself, is a reason to rejoice at what this season will do for me, for Josh and for our marriage in the long-term.