In this season, though, I never would have imagined the blessings that have popped up, seemingly around every corner. It has been an immense blessing to live with Rachel (sister in law) and Caroline (my younger sister). Being a part of their lives daily, and getting to share mine with them has been so awesome. In some ways, it feels like college all over again (living with other girls), but it is deeper than that in many ways. They are my sisters and I love sharing in life with them. It is something I never expected to be able to experience, almost 4 years into marriage, and I am so thankful for it. Another blessing that has arisen in this season of uncertainty has been the amount of time I have been able to spend with Josh's parents in Roseville. Even before Josh and I were married, I have felt welcomed into the Hill family. They are loving, care deeply, and will go above and beyond to make someone feel loved. I have been the recipient of this love often over the last 5 years, and living in Chico again since December has been a reminder of their awesomeness! I have been going to Roseville often- many times during the holiday season, on my way to and from other destinations, and just for a comforting place to get away to. Their home really has become my home away from home, and for that I am so thankful. I had never envisioned being so close to my in laws, and I continue to be blessed daily by having them in my life.
God has certainly been working in my heart these past 4 months. I have developed a more pressing need for His guidance in my life, with all of the uncertainty. Prayer has become an outlet for my anxiety, and I find myself turning to it almost involuntarily throughout the day. I have been discovering new things about myself, especially areas I need to improve in and be humbled in. The idea of surrendering my own will, and getting away from my own selfishness has been recurrent. Ideally, this is not the place I would want to be in. I would want to be working full time, have Josh home every night, and have our future planned out. I would want comfort and security. But that is not what life as a follower of Christ looks like. We are called to a life set apart from others. We are called to an uncomfortable life. When God works in and through us, it is not often in the way we would have imagined or hoped. I know God is teaching me to surrender to the leadership of my husband, as a submissive wife. I need to trust that God is speaking to him and leading him in the way that he feels we are called in to. God is also teaching me to wait on His timing. It never seems as timely as the plan I would have envisioned, but it is so much better. There are things we learn through waiting that we would not learn otherwise. I have been learning to be less selfish, thinking less of myself and more of others. I have been learning to be less concerned with working to make money in every spare moment of the day and use that time to invest in others, and invest in my relationship with the Lord.
I am hoping the things I am learning during this season will prepare me for the next one we enter into- wherever and whenever that may be. It may be hard to spend evenings by myself, eat meals by myself and handle all of the financial decisions that arise when my husband is out of touch. But I know I will come out of this time stronger, and more able to cope emotionally with the next season God calls us into. Until then, I am taking one day at a time. I am choosing to invest my time well, and be thankful for the extra time I do have. I want to remember that there are so many blessings the Lord wants to give us, but we must stop and be still before Him in order to see them and receive them. I hope this can encourage you too, as you read this, to see what blessings the Lord may have for you.
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