The Reality of Boot Camp (Part 1)

It is overwhelming to think about even starting to describe what bootcamp was like, for Josh and for me. We had extremely different experiences and emotions, or lack there of, and it took us a while to process them with each other once we were reunited after 13 weeks apart. 

I guess I will try to start from the beginning, and I will do so first from my perspective. Bootcamp, for me, began the moment I dropped Josh off at the Sacramento Airport. I had to do so on December 6th, since he had to fly first to Oahu, and then to San Diego. The ridiculous of this did not make sense to me, but he was supposed to ship out from the state where he enlisted, which meant unnecessary flight time for him, and losing precious time we could have been spending together. Anyways, I dropped him off at Sac Airport, crying uncontrollably, and then returned to Roseville to be around Josh's family (you will see that this became a current theme for me throughout bootcamp....and now). I had already moved the majority of my possessions up to the house in Chico, so Rachel and I, along with Mary (Josh's Mom) drove up to Chico the next day, December 7th. It was my birthday that day, and I had a list of errands to run (dentist appointment, drug test for work, etc....), so I wasn't really able to do much to celebrate until the evening. I was already emotionally shaky and feeling sad to be separated from Josh on my birthday, when I missed a call and voicemail from him. I had no idea he would be allowed to call, and figured he would have already been checked in. Plus, he had left his cell phone with me (since they are prohibited for all of bootcamp). Apparently he was able to call one last time from the airport, and had wanted to wish me a happy birthday. It was devastating to get his voicemail, from a pay phone, and not be able to call him back. This definitely put a damper on my mood, to put it lightly, and our plans to go out to dinner were instantly changed. I was in no mood to celebrate, but my amazing mother in law and sister in law would not let me wallow in self pity for long! They suggested we order food from somewhere and take it back to the apartment Rachel was currently living in (soon to move out into our house). We ate dinner, opened a few presents, and watched New Girl (my first exposure to the show, which I am now hooked on). They really helped to ease the sadness and the devastation I was feeling over missing the last chance I would have to hear my husband's voice for 13 weeks. 

After that first day, the time Josh was in bootcamp became a series of extremes for me. I would find myself going through periods of extreme sadness and loneliness, made worse by the fact that I was in this new, big house alone many nights. Soon after Rachel and I moved in, it was her winter break from school, which meant she was traveling for part of it and home in Roseville for part as well. You never fully realize how dependent you are on having someone else around until they aren't around anymore. Even the most menial things could bring me to tears- like cooking for just myself, or going half a day without talking to anyone. The hardest times of day for me were meal times and bedtime. I hate eating alone- and started watching a TV show or scanning the internet while eating. I missed sitting with Josh, enjoying meals, and talking about how our days had gone. Bedtime was hard, especially in the cold Chico winter. I had moved into one room of this house and had the queen sized bed Josh and I had, but it felt too big. I did not like sleeping alone, and found I would roll over, seeking the warmth that always radiated from him, and find no one. So, I soon switched to a twin sized mattress. But even then, going to sleep alone was never fun. 

I did not just wallow in self pity all the time, as the above paragraph appears to lead to. I had moments of sadness...okay half days of sadness, that would threaten to overtake me, but I also had moments of fun, joy and a refreshed reliance on prayer and God that had been long overdue. Living with Rachel was fun; it reminded me of my college days, made me stay up later (until 11 PM sometimes, which is late if you know me well), and helped me to seek friendships more than I had had to in a while. I promoted the cooking business I had started in Maui, cooking home meals for families, delivered to them to be baked at home. Although it hasn't taken off as much as I had hoped, it has been a great way for me to cook for others, and myself, and generate some income. I also started working at The Courtyard Retirement Home, which is where I had worked at the beginning of Josh and my's marriage. I love working in the kitchen there, and began the early morning shifts that I love so much. My sister, Caroline, also lives in Chico, and we spent a lot of time together during those first few months as well. She was very intentional about checking in on me and making sure I wasn't wallowing too much in self pity. Sometimes she caught me in a weak moment- she'd come over to find me wearing Josh's sweatshirt, watching a chick flick with a glass of wine (at least it wasn't the bottle). She always seemed to be able to help pull me out of those funks I found myself in, which I much appreciated! 

The hard thing about the timing of Josh's bootcamp was the holidays that he missed. We had celebrated Christmas with his family in Roseville early, before he left for bootcamp, which was so great. Christmas Eve and Christmas were still hard to swallow without him, though. I spent both days with his family, one in Vacaville (with Dad's side of the family) and one in Roseville (Mom's side). It was great to feel totally welcomed into both celebrations, but being around Josh's family without him was an adjustment. (I feel like a semi-professional at it now, but those first few times took some getting used to). Christmas Eve brought the low point of bootcamp for me, however. In all the conversations I had had leading up to and during boot camp (with family members and spouses of Marines), no one had told me to be expecting a phone call on Christmas, or any other time. I had only heard the clear message of no phone use allowed. So, I was not mentally tuned in to be checking my phone on Christmas Eve. I was busy helping get dinner ready and visiting with relatives. It wasn't until later, when I looked at my phone and noticed the 6 missed calls and voicemail from a 760 area code number that I began to panic. I went into the back room at Josh's Oma's house and listened to the message. As soon as I heard Josh's voice, I began sobbing, and felt like the worst wife in history for not answering his calls. Then the if only's kicked in- if only I had my phone on loud, or in my pocket, or if only I had checked it sooner I could have caught one of the calls. But, not of those were the case, and I had to accept the fact that I had missed his call- on Christmas Eve. The emotion in his voice was enough to break my heart- here I was feeling sad for missing his call and he was away from everyone he knew and loved, in a barracks with a bunch of 18 year olds, getting yelled at by drill instructors for putting his socks on the wrong way, What a Merry Christmas... Josh's Mom came to check on me in that back room, and we had a tender moment together, crying and trying to comfort one another. She was my closest ally during the entirety of boot camp. Whenever I felt sad or missed Josh,  I knew she missed him too, more than any other person did. She helped convince me that day that missing his call wasn't my fault and didn't mean I was a terrible wife. These things happened, and I needed to let it go. So, after several weeks, I finally did. But I did ask for and receive a FitBit watch for Christmas, which has a feature that allows the watch to vibrate and display the phone number of any calls you receive on your phone. Now I hope to never miss a phone call from Josh again! 

After the low point of Christmas Eve, the time of boot camp steadily passed. I kept working, picking up a part time nanny job as well, and tried to reconnect with friends here in Chico. I spent a lot of time in Roseville at the Hills, which I loved. Once February hit, I knew we were in the home stretch. I kept writing letters to Josh faithfully, about 5 a week, and checked the mailbox everyday for a letter from him. Even though I received an average of 1 a week from him, it never felt like enough. The agony of checking the mailbox everyday, and finding it empty 6 out of 7 days, wears on your emotions. I tried to remind myself of how busy he was, and I should just keep writing to him to keep his spirits up. He asked me to send some pictures of us and of his family, so I sent them over the course of a week or so, one per letter, to give him a little something to look forward to. 

It was hard trying to explain to people how I was feeling during this time. Once I would explain the situation to someone, how we would not see each other or communicate for 13 weeks except hand written letters, people didn't seem to understand the extent of it. Any question I wanted answered by Josh would take a minimum of 10 days, usually more. I would write to him, send the letter (which took about 3 days to get to him), then he would write back when he had time (which could take up to a week to piece together a response) and then he would mail it back. As you can probably guess, I didn't ask many questions that needed a timely answer. This left me with the decision making for every question that arose in those 3 months. I was having car issues with a BMW X5 we had purchased after moving back to CA- but I alone had to decide how much money to put into it. I was considering applying to nursing schools, but had to go through that process without him. You never realize how necessary it is to have someone else to use as a sounding board, or voice of reason, until you lose the one you did have. It made life much more stressful for me during those 3 months. 

Towards the end of bootcamp, I began to feel as though I was getting used to him being away. I have always been a self-reliant and independent person, and I saw this coming alive in me once again. This was encouraging in some ways, since I was having to live independently, but it was also discouraging. I didn't want to feel as though I was getting used to being apart from my husband.  I would find that half the day would go by, and I hadn't thought of him once. I don't think that is healthy, and I felt badly for not missing him. There is a fine line between healthy and necessary adaptation that must happen when we are faced with new decisions, and losing the reliance and teamwork you have built with your spouse. Thankfully, I only began to feel this way a few weeks before bootcamp ended, and I was able to revert back to healthy marital roles once we were together. But it is definitely something I will need to be aware of in the future, especially if times of longer deployments come along. 

Overall, the separation was harder than I had willed myself to believe. I questioned and regretted why we had chosen the USMC countless times, but always came back to the fact that I was trusting my husband, and trusting he was following the Lord. I prayed for him many times each day, and felt connected to what he was doing by following the outline of his training. I knew, roughly, his schedule and could pray specifically for what he and his platoon were doing each day. Writing him letters, and receiving some from him, also helped me to feel connected in some ways. And now, we will always have those letters to look back on and remember the emotion that was behind each one. 

I'm out of time for tonight, but in my next post I will share about some of Josh's boot camp experiences. 

The Path That Lead us to the USMC

Josh and I officially began our journey into the world of the United States Marine Corps on December 6th, when we began our 13 weeks of separation as Josh journeyed to the Marine Corps Depot in San Diego. 

Prior to Josh leaving for bootcamp, we had been living in Hawaii, on the island of Maui, for 18 months. We moved to the beautiful island when I was offered a job as a teacher/ director of the church-run preschool where I had previously worked as an aide during my teenage years. We had been living in Chico since getting married in 2012, but felt it was time for a change. And Maui provided the perfect opportunity for the change we had been craving. So, we took the plunge into the unknown (well, sort of...Maui isn't exactly a rough place to move to) and moved to Maui, me at the end of May, 2014 and Josh in June. Josh found work quickly as a zip line tour guide, which proved to be a job he enjoyed and made lasting friendships through. I worked at the preschool for the 2014-2015 school year, and then ended my time there in June of 2015. 

While we were living on Maui, loving life and following our 3 year plan of living on island (funny how quickly that changed...), Josh and I had a discussion one day while driving to Paia to get flatbread pizza. We had both been feeling unsettled about our future, where life was leading us, what our purpose was, etc. We realized we were coming to a crossroad and unsure of which way the Lord was leading us. We both enjoyed life on Maui, the laid back lifestyle, our friendships, the weather...but what was the deeper purpose of us being on Maui? We were not very involved in ministries or serving, and both did not feel like we were fully using the gifts God has given us in the jobs we were pursuing. We then began to brainstorm and dream- about the future, about what we would ideally like to be doing, where we saw ourselves living and more. It was quite the conversation, and one that led us to discuss the USMC for the first time in our years of being marriage, dating and engagement. Josh told me then, January of 2015, that he had always been drawn towards the military, the Marines especially. According to him, they were the most hardcore, the most bad-ass, and therefore the best in his mind. I asked him why he had never brought this up, and he said he had dismissed it once we were married. He never thought I would be willing to discuss it as a viable option, let alone go forward in researching and pursuing it. Little did he know that less than 6 months later, he would be flying to Oahu to enlist with the recruiter there. 

After that initial conversation, the idea of joining the Marines almost consumed Josh's thought life. If I hadn't been around to draw him out of it sometimes, I think it would have. He spent countless hours researching on the computer, reading up on military blogs, talking with former Marines, reading novels, and much more. I was involved too- since everything he read and discovered he would process through with me. I began to see his passion for defending our country, and ministering to others who were as well. We realized we had options as far as his enlistment. Becoming an officer was the obvious choice for Josh, since he has a 4 year degree, but enlistment was also an option. As Josh discovered more about the different paths he could take, he really began to feel called towards enlistment. This came as a shock to most people, myself included, and was hard to explain fully. Ultimately, it came down to where Josh felt God was leading him. He felt he would have more opportunities to show humility, in starting from the bottom of the USMC and working his way up. He also felt it would give him a great opportunity to be a mentor to all of the 17 and 18 year old recruits who would make up the majority of his peers during bootcamp. As I watched him process through all of this, I started to see the reasons myself, and supported him in his decision to enlist. It was not an easy idea to be fully on board with, and since then I have had to continually remind myself that I am trusting the leadership of my husband. He is the head of our household, and if I am going to follow him, I better trust he is being led by God. And I do, more now than ever before, even though it meant a drastic change in both of our lives. 

Once he had decided on enlistment, he was flown out to Oahu to sign up officially with the recruiter for the state of Hawaii. This happened at the end of June of 2015. We both thought he would be shipped off to bootcamp sometime soon after that, even as soon as July. I had a planned trip to Europe with all 3 of my siblings and 2 friends, and I had to face the harsh reality that Josh might be at bootcamp when I returned from my trip at the end of July. Well..apparently things don't happen as quickly as we thought in terms of shipping out, especially in Hawaii (the most laid back place ever!), and Josh found out he would not be starting bootcamp in San Diego until December 7th (my birthday, of all days). This news was both encouraging and confusing to us. We would have more time together than we had thought, which is always a plus, but we would have to figure out what to do on Maui for work and lodging for several more months than we thought. But, it meant several more months on Maui, and months where my parents would be living there as well (after moving over in July), so those were problems we were willing to figure out! 

We spent the next 4 months on Maui, moving back to California on Thanksgiving Day. Josh finished out working for the zipline company, and I left behind a waitressing job I had quickly grown to love. I mean, what's not to love about working a 4 or 6 hour shift with great tips, while getting to stare at an amazing ocean view? Oh, it's better because it was the beach I was engaged on! (I'm still hoping I get to work there again sometime soon, could you tell?) It was hard to leave behind the life we had formed there, the amazing friendships we had made, and the beauty of the island itself. But, we knew it would only be putting off the inevitable if I were to remain there while Josh was in bootcamp. We spent time in Roseville before Josh shipped out to San Diego, and I moved back to Chico to live with Josh's sister, Rachel. She had been in need of a roommate, and it worked out perfectly with timing for me to join her for the remainder of her school year. I also had one job lined up before moving back, in the kitchen of a retirement home where I had lived previously. And there began this next stage I am currently in, Marine wife, separated from my husband physically but connected deeply to all he is doing through letters and prayers. 

More on what bootcamp was like, for both of us, in my next post. Thanks for reading! Here's a few snapshots from our Maui life. Couldn't resist sharing. It was hard to leave this beautiful place behind- but I know God has more adventures in store for us!